Idol
by Novak-Benson-Rollins-Amaro
Summary: Who knew one person can change so much? Lillie Kanji comes to the squad as the new detective things don't seem to change at first. Sequel: Character Rated T for now...
1. The New Detective

Idol.

A Law and Order SVU Short FanFic. (Months before Olivia is kidnapped by Lewis)

All the characters apart of the Original Law and Order SVU series are not owned by me. I do no own those characters. I created the character Lillie Kanji. Other people can use this character but cannot claim ownership.

-Apartment Building of Amanda Rollins-

"Yo Amanda? Open up. You in there?" Detective Nick Amaro and Olivia Benson shout from outside Detective Amanda Rollins apartment. The door opens with a creek before they see Amanda's blonde head stick out the wooden door. She holds a tissue to the nose and is clearly still in a robe and slippers.

"Hey guys. I was about to call Capt. tell him I can't be in today. Coming down with something." She says in a raspy voice.

"You sure you okay?" Olivia says. Olivia and Amanda had been becoming friendlier to each these past weeks.

"Yea. Probably just a cold or something. Don't worry." She responds blowing her nose.

"Alright. Catch you later, Rollins." Amaro says turning to leave.

-Squad Room-

A tall woman with long dark red to brown hair sits at my desk. She stares at something in front of her.

"Hello, I'm Detective Olivia Benson, how may I help you?" I say. As I get closer, I realize she is Asian. Probably from 25-30. I dreaded her being a rape victim. She was very beautiful and was she was reading was a file that labeled "Lillie Kanji". Once again, I dreaded whoever Lillie was to be someone she knew and loved.

"My name is Lillie Kanji. Captain Cragen told me to wait out her while he took a phone call." She says. He voice sounded soft but a bit raspy. She stood up and I noticed how she about my height. "I might be a new detective here if he lets me."

"Don't mind me asking but, how old are you?" I ask her gesturing for her to sit as I took my own.

"I'm 30." She says brushing a bit of hair out her face.

"Okay, come with me to my office." Capt. Cragen appears out of nowhere and says to her. As she walks by, I notice a long scar on her left arm that stretches from her wrist all the way to her elbow.

"Hmm who was that, Liv?" Fin says to me licking his lips.

"Oh don't be a pervert. She's our maybe new detective." I respond laughing a bit.

"A good looking one at that." Amaro says next to Fin staring at Cragen office looking at her through the plexi-glass.

"John? Help?" I say to him with a pleading look.

"No comment..." He continues to read him paper.

"Where is Amanda when you need her?" I say.

-30 minutes later- (Nick's POV)

(SIDE BAR: IN THIS FANFIC NICK ISNT REALLY MARRIED OR ANYTHING K?)

Lillie steps out the office with Donald and gives him a hand shake before he steps up to address us.

"Lillie, those silent people are, Nick Amaro, Olivia Benson, John Munch, and Odafin Tutuola. Amanda Rollins isn't here but your meet her in the next day or two." He says as he points to all of us.

"Guys this is our new Detective Lillie Kanji" (Sort of like CON but with a K and JEEE like the first part of Jesus.)

"Nice to meet you Lillie." I say stepping up to her.

"Nice to meet you too. Nick?" She says with a beautiful smile. What's with the long scar on her arm?

"You got it." I say with a smile back.

"Go ahead tell them about yourself." Capt. Says to her.

"Well...I was born in Osaka, Japan. I moved to the States when I was 12, I was in the Air Force for 3 years before this." She says flashing heart melting smiles everywhere. It was really cool how I had a mixed group of Detectives on the squad. How no one was the same color and no one judged anyone.

"I'll go get your gun and badge, your desk is right in front of Amaro's for now. But I think you remembered that."

She pushes her hands on her black pants against her skinny frame. I stared a bit at her as she walks over in front of me. No one else was watching her except me.

"I love working here already." She says flashing me another amazing smile. Every time she smiled at me, it felt like the world stopped. Stop it Amaro, I tell myself. You can't start falling for the new detective who hasn't even worked here a good hour.

"I'm glad you do." I say breaking from my day dream.

My brain wasn't working today as I continued to stare at her throughout the workday. But every once in a while, she would catch me staring and would look up at me from her paperwork and smile and my cheeks would get red hot. It was like this until the end of the work day.

-Later On...-

(Lillie's POV

Liv, Fin, Nick, John and I went out to grab some drinks and to get to know the "new" detective better. Fin and Nick ordered beers, Liv and I ordered ice tea. Munch didn't get anything saying some random conspiracy theory connected to the drinks. I was really glad that these people were nice and glad I chose to work a little freaked out by Munch's conspiracies.

"So... Why did you choose Special Victims Unit?" Fin asks me. There was one good I couldn't tell. I didn't want to wreck this new job before I even got it. I chose this unit so I could help people like me. But I wasn't going to tell them that yet.

I traced my finger over my scar on my arm before answering. "I chose it because the people who come to the precinct wanting help deserve it."

"Good us about yourself." Munch says.

"What do you want to know?" I say take a sip of the cold drink in front of me.

"Anything." He responds quietly.

"Excuse my friend here he's a little..." Nick says causing everyone, including me to laugh. I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. I say excuse me politely to them before walking towards the bathroom in a kind of rush.

-At the Table-

(Liv's Pov)

It's been 10 minutes and Lillie still had not come out the bathroom. I went inside to check on her to find her in a stall on her cell phone talking in a different language. Most likely Japanese. She is turned facing a wall talking angrily with the person on the other end. She turns around sees me and says something calmly then hangs up.

"Are you okay? You've been here for-" I cut off by her stepping into the stall and putting her head into the toilet and starts vomiting. What the hell?


	2. The Kiss

New Chapter

-You Know-

"Oh my god. Lillie? Are you okay?" Olivia says me to me rushing to my side.

"I-I don't know." I say. I can't believe she heard me on the phone. But that's not what I threw up for. I actually didn't know. I've been throwing up for weeks and I am 100% positive I wasn't pregnant. I'm sure she doesn't speak Japanese. I would've read the shock on her face from what I said.

"Do you need to go home? I'll drive you." She says.

"No, No. I can get home. Am I'm fine. Nothing more than bad food. I say with a small smile.

"You sure?" She says standing up with me.

"Positive." I say as we walk out the bathroom

-3 months later-

(Nicks POV)

"Okay, Amaro. Get ready to watch me kick your ass." Lillie says holding a basketball in her hand.

"10 bucks says she wins." Amanda says from behind us to Fin.

"Me too" Fin says.

We stand with our backs to the net and throw the ball over our heads. Damn, hers goes through the net while mines falls a few inches away.

"Told ya, Liv." Amanda says.

"I HAVE to beat you in something." I say facing Lillie.

"Give up, Nick." She says walking out the court. It was dark enough in the evening for no one to see me staring south of her equator I hoped that no one saw. Over the 3 months she's been here, I have sort of developed a small crush on her. There were more than enough reasons to like her. Her smile, her passion, her beauty. Those were only a few things.

"Shit." I say. Looking through my pockets for my car keys.

"What's wrong?' Lillie asks me putting on her helmet. I remember a while ago asking her why she drove a motorcycle and she said she didn't really know it was just something she did.

"I was idiot and left my keys at the station." I say embarrassed.

"I can take you home if you want." She says smiling. Damn I was obsessed with her smile.

"You don't have to do that." She walks closer to me.

"Scared to ride it?" She laughs at me.

"No. I can walk to the station and get my keys no need to waste your gas on me."

"Let me do you this favor. After all I did just kick your ass."

By this time, everyone had gone home except us.

"Okay. But only once." I say as she hands me a black helmet similar to the red one she held.

"Okay. Hold on to my waist and don't let go unless you plan on falling." She says starting the black motorcycle. Her shirt lifted up a couple times and I felt her smooth skin as we rode. I really needed to stop these feelings for her.

"Destination Reached." She says stopping her bike in front of my apartment building. We both get off and I hand her back her helmet and say thanks as she walks with me to the door.

"No problem at all." She says with another heartwarming smile. There's another thing I like about her. How she always smiled. Even at the victims when they were crying she would say the most positive thing ever and smile and they would smile back.

"Why do you always smile?" I ask. I watch her run her fingers over the scar that's been on her arm since she's gotten here. No one has bothered to ask her where it came from.

"I don't really know." She shrugs "Just something I do."

I move closer to her and bring her chin towards mine and lean in to kiss her. When our lips make contact she pulls back opens her mouth to say something but doesn't and walks back to her motorcycle.

"Lillie! Wait!" I say running after her. She stops in the middle of the path between the parking lot and the door. I see tears down her face. Small ones.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask. I would hate to have upset her like this.

"N-N-No it wasn't your fault I-I just..." She uses her hand to wipe her face and the other to brush the hair out her face.

"Please tell me what's wrong." I beg.

"I really can't." She continues to walk to the parking lot.

I walk up to my apartment trying to put pieces of what just happened together. My phone rings right as I get through my door.

"Amaro." I say with a sigh.

"Hey, Nick its Rollins. You and Lillie get home alright?" Rollins asks.

"Um, yeah" I think back to the last thing Lillie said. _"I really can't."_

"Nick...!" Amanda yells. "You there?"

"Oh yeah I'm sorry. What?"

"See you in the morning." She says before hanging up.

-Next Morning-

(Lillie's POV)

I hear knocking at my door while I brush my teeth.

"Hold up!" I yell. I walk to the door to answer it. I unlock the 3 chains before opening. Not that surprised to see its Olivia.

"Hey, Liv" I say stepping out the door frame. "Um, Come in." I walk back into my room to grabs my gun and badge before walking back out to Liv.

"How may I help you?"

(Olivia's POV)

I stepped inside of Lillie's apartment to see a clean, neat apartment. The walls were painted a medium red with black flower accents in the corner. The furniture was a crème color that made the whole house look elegant. A half wall cut off to her kitchen with grey appliances and the same crème colored counters. I was shocked.

"Wow." I say.

"I'm OCD so this is how I function. Everything must be even." She says. Added to the short list of things I know about her. Nick knew way more. They spent more time together. It would surprise me if they were secretly dated. Wait I came here for a reason.

"I meant the walls..." I say smiling.

"My brother loves me enough."

"How may I help you?" She says.

"Um. I don't really know how to put this. But, Nick told me what happened last night." I says sitting in front of her.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." She says avoiding eye contact. This just added to my suspicion.

"Lillie, whatever your holding inside you have to tell someone."

"Fine. You really want to know?" She says.

AWWWWW SNAP what is Lillie's secret? How will it affect the squad?


	3. The Secrect

-Chapter 3-

-Kanji Residence-

(Liv's POV)

"You really want to know?" Lillie's ask me again standing looking at her window of her neat and pristine apartment.

"Lillie, I think it would help if you told someone." I say, hoping whatever she was holding inside would make her relaxed again.

"When I was 9, my father just dumped me and my brother of somewhere and told us he would be back soon." She says exhaling. "That was a lie."

"My brother and I were adopted a month later by a family that already had 3 children." She continues. "It was actually okay since then. They moved all of us to the US when I was 12. Which you already know." She looks at me for a second. "You cannot what so ever tell anybody. No one soul, what I am about to tell you." Lillie's face was filled with fear, seriousness and concern.

"I promise." I say shaking my head yes.

"Especially not Nick." She adds. "I was in my 3rd year of college when I left notebooks in the cafeteria and ran back in there to get it. It was around 10pm and the cafeteria lights were off and no one was there." Lillie stops and wipes her face with the back of her hand. "I went to grab the books of the table when I heard something break. When I walked toward it someone put their hand over my face and pulled me down to the floor. I was close to the kitchen when I fell and I tried to stand and run in their but when I stood he pulled me down again and pulled me towards him and..." She stops again but this time the tears were bigger.

"Lillie?" I say moving to seat next to her.

"I'm fine. You asked for me to tell." She responds shaking a little.

"I would have never asked if I knew it hurt you this much."

"No one knew, it's not your fault." Lillie continues with this horrible story. I never knew this much about her. It's seemed like a life-time ago she arrived and everyone took a huge liking to her. "He pulled my pants down and said that I did this to myself that it was my fault. I couldn't move. I was frozen with terror."

"Did he rape you?" I say confused as ever.

"That's the worst part really; he used different items from the kitchen to rape me. Spoons, a fork whatever was in there." She starts to cry and I stay right there and comfort her.

"I went to a hospital 2 days after and they said it may be impossible for me to ever have children." This shocks me the most. I have always wanted children and would be able to if gave up a few things but it was impossible for her.

"Why didn't you adopt?" I ask.

"I am mentally unstable. You don't qualify for adoption with that over your head." Lillie moves her leg over to the other side. "Now, you can ask any questions you want." She sniffles.

"Where did you get the scars?" I point to her arms.

"Self-inflicted." She says showing this out. "This one," She points to the long one on her left arm. "Came from a kitchen knife. And all these small ones are razors." Lillie states with a shaky sigh. "But don't worry that was me months ago." Lillie seemed to feel a little better but still shaking from telling me this horror.

"Why did you run away when Nick kissed you?" I ask even though I might now the answer I still wanted to be certain.

"It was the way he touched me. It felt just like I was there again." She starts to cry again and give her a hug to stop her tears. One of our Detectives was a victim.

-Squad Room-

(Nick's POV)

My whole night was filled with the way, Lillie acted. After Rollins finished talking with me Olivia called with the same questions. But somehow I ended up telling her what happened with Lillie.

I wasn't surprised when Olivia and Lillie walked in together. Lillie walked over to her desk, which was permanently in front of mine and sat down. As she sat down I noticed how sad her expression was.

"You okay?" I ask looking up at her. She gives me a small nod and a sly smile. We continued this unusual silence until she finally said something I didn't expect her to say.

"Look, Nick. Can we just forget what happened yesterday? Please?" She says staring at me.

"Um, Sure." I was still confused on why she wanted to forget. Why she ran away. My gut told me Liv knew. I was definitely asking her later.

-Later On-

"What did Lillie tell you?" I say to Olivia as she gets ready to leave. Everyone had left already so privacy would probably allow her to tell me.

"I can't say." She grabs her coat.

"Please Olivia. I really care about her." I plead.

"She told me definitely not to tell you."

"What?"

"She doesn't want you to know Nick. Leave it at that." With that, Liv walks out.

-Weeks Later-

(SQUAD)

I still hadn't told Nick. Even though I thought I should he really cares about me.

"Amaro, Kanji. Head out to Queens me have a rape Vic needing to be questioned." Cragen says from out his door.

"On it." I say grabbing my coat and walking out with Amaro.

When we reach the car, Nick delays putting the key in the engine. "Tell me." He says laying back.

"I don't know what you mean." I say looking out the window at a group of school children.

"Bullshit, come on. I am worried about you." He pleads. I shed out a tear before telling him to drive.

Once we reach the vic's house. Erica Lavon. I start asking her questions as Nick stands quietly by.

"What happened after you reached your friend's house?" Nick asks. She had been stalked for 3 days before her attacker made a move by raping her on her way to a friend's house.

"I went inside and told her I was going to the bathroom when I say him watching me from outside the bathroom window." She stares off into space before looking back at me. "I thought he was going to break in and rape me again so I called the cops with my friend s house phone."

"What's your friend's name?" I ask.

"Larissa Maker."

-End of the work day-

"I don't know how you make those cute origami birds." Amanda says.

"Skill." Fin comments as Munch laughs.

"Where did you learn to make those?" Liv adds in.

"School. It was a popular thing to do when you have time on your hands. And they taught us in art class." I say.

"Teach us?" Amanda says.

"Sure. Whenever." I say with a smile.

Liv, Manda and I made a plan for them to come to my apartment so I can teach them to make origami birds. It was actually quite simple. When I heard knocks at the door, I opened it to see casual dressed Amanda and Olivia.

"Welcome, come in." I say.

"Whoa." Amanda looks around my apartment. "What's with the gun?" She points to my coffee table where a pistol sits. I look to Liv. "Um protection." I say

We sit crossed legged on the couch as I explain how to fold the wings when I feel something cold on the side of my face. Then, I realize it's a gun. I prepare to leap forward and grab my gun off the table.

"Oh no, Lillie." He pulls me back. I freeze with terror. I know his voice. "One move. Lights out." Olivia and Amanda look at me and the gunman with large eyes. I know this man.

WOAH STOP THE PRESSES! Who is the gunman? What will happen next?


	4. The Danger

-Kanji Residence.-

(Lillie's POV)

I knew this man by his voice. The same voice that spoke to me in the cafeteria and that haunted my dreams. And with this, I froze remembering the night.

(Amanda's POV)

"Think about what you're doing." Olivia says holding her hands up to the gunman. I stared at Lillie watching her shake. "We are all cops."

"Oh sweetheart, I am not here for you two. I'm here for her." He points to Lillie. What? He starts speaking in a different language that obviously Lillie understood from her shock and rapid breathing. Our "intruder" wore grey sweats and had short glossy black hair and had blue eyes. He was Asian just like Lillie.

Lillie responded in the same language that started calmly but ended in a harsh tone. He threw on the ground when I same another man appear from the door. He looked like the first man except her had more brownish hair. I was completely on edge. The fact that I seemed like the only person who didn't know what was going on and that this was even happening. The brown haired man pulled out another gun and pointed it at Liv. She closed her eyes for a brief second.

"Now. Either one of you whores makes a wrong move or somebody dies." The brownish haired man says. I knew Liv was thinking of an escape and I was too. "Lee. Who are these two?" He points to me and Liv.

"Uninvited guests, Ash." The black haired man, obviously Lee says. Ash pulls out hand cuffs and cuffs me and Liv as Lee holds Lillie on the floor. This was serious. Ash takes his gun off Olivia as he cuffs me and Liv jumps up and tries to grab Lillie's gun off the table when her pulls her back by her hair and she passes out.

"Well, so much for trust." Ash says before knocking me out with his gun. I vaguely hear Lillie scream please as I slip into darkness.

-Next Morning-

(Squad Room Nicks POV)

Fin answers the phone on his desk as I brew a new cup of coffee. It was only Fin, Munch, Capt. and Me here so far. It was only 7am.

"What..? Ma'am slow down. I really don't speak your language." Fin says to whoever was on the other line. "Yo Capt.! We got some lady on the phone speaking real fast in Chinese."

"Get Kanji." He says standing by his door.

"She's from Japan not China." I say.

"She speaks more than one language Amaro. Chinese, Japanese, Russian, Korean and English. Unless you can?" Cragen remarks.

"Well he sure can't and she is yet to make an appearance." Munch says from behind his daily paper. "Neither has Liv or Rollins."

"What? Amaro, Munch head over to Lillie's apartment." Cragen says. "I'll phone in a translator"

"Really Captain? They went over Lillie's house to "make origami" supposedly." Munch says.

"Ew, Munch. They probably had a rough pillow fight and knock each other out." Fin laughs

-Lillie's apartment building-

I wasn't worried about any of the girls. They probably are getting ready to leave now or still sleeping. It was nothing to worry about. I had planned to talk to Lillie about this issue we were having. But since she wasn't showing I was going to talk with her at her apartment.

Munch knocked on the door hard 3 times and no answer. We both pressed our ears to door for any noise. I stepped back and kicked open her door to find Lillie lying on the floor in her bra and sweatpants. She was unconscious as she layed on the floor with her pants halfway down her legs.

"What the hell." Munch exclaims. As I lean down on the floor to Lillie.

"Lillie. Come on wake up." I gently pat her face then feel for her pulse. Glad to see she still has one. It's slow and uneven.

"Amanda and Liv aren't here." Munch says coming from out Lillie's bedroom.

"Call a bus." I say slapping Lillie's face more but just a bit harder in an attempt to wake her up.

-Unknown Location-

(Liv's POV)

My head throbs from where that asshole hit me on the head. I notice my hands are tied and I am blindfolded. Where is Lillie? Where is Amanda?

"Tell me again why we left the young one?" The voice I hear is obviously Ash'. His voice was a bit raspier than Lee's.

"Fun. To sit by and watch them piece it all together." Lee says. Did they leave Amanda or Lillie? I fidget and try to move.

"Aw look who's awake." I suddenly feel the duct tape being ripped off my face harshly. I spit the blood and saliva mixture in Lee's face. He slaps me across the face.

"Bitch." He shouts at me. I look over and notice that Amanda has her blindfold off but mouth restraints on. Either Lee or Ash raped Lillie in that cafeteria. I wasn't sure yet which one. Ash walks over to Amanda and takes the duct tape off her mouth.

"Where is Lillie you bastards?" Amanda shouts at them.

"She's really busy, Amanda." Ash says walking close to her.

"H-H-How do you know my name?" Amanda shakes.

"We already know a lot about you and Olivia." Ash says pulling out folders with our names written on was terrifying. They knew my name. He puts each folder in front of us. They hold pictures of us. From sitting at home to being in the squad room. I watched Amanda shake as she looked at each photo. "Since you are two are one of most important things in Lillie's life next to her brother, we automatically have to do some research." Ash says taking the folders away.

-Hospital 2 hours later-

(NICKS POV)

"Family of Lillie Kanji?" The nurse says looking at Fin, Me, Munch and Capt.

We all stand and walk into the hospital room where Lillie layed in the hospital bed staring at the celling.

"Hey, Little China." Fin says standing next to her holding her hand. Lillie lets Fin hold her hand but continues to stare at the celling.

"How you feeling, Lillie?" Capt. Cragen says to her with a smile.

"Like crap." She says shredding a tear. It was pure torture seeing someone like Lillie, like this. It was really sad.

"Well, I have good news and bad news." The doctor says walking in with a clipboard. "But only for the immediate family. Is that you all?" She says looking to us. The door opens and a tall Asian man walks in and straight over to Lillie. He face brightens when he reaches her. Whoever this man was doing a better job at cheering her up than us.

"And who are you?" Fin asks the mystery man.

"This is my brother." Lillie says.

"Since when do you have siblings?" I ask her with a chuckle.

"The day I was born maybe?" She responds and the old depressing mood of the silent hospital room was now warming up to laughter.

Her brother, Drake, was a really good guy. Even though she's older than him by 5 minutes, he looked out for her. As she puts it.

"Ready?" The doctor says breaking everyone from ignoring her. "Lillie has broken one rib; her arm had a concussion which we are worried about brain damage and run some more tests. I only have one question for Lillie but I don't know if she wants to do it private or not.

"I don't care." Lillie says.

"Um." The doctor clears her throat before continuing. "Would you like to have a rape kit done?"

DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN Thanks a lot to lilbrit4u2 and TrekkieMutantxGirl for reviewing my story and telling me it is awesome. Even if you hat the story I still appreciate critics'. So tell me what's wrong or tell me you love it I don't care as long as I know.


	5. The Hopsital

-Unknown Location-

(Olivia's POV)

Even though I knew a lot about Lillie, there were plenty things surprising me about her based on what these assholes were saying.

"Aww, sorry the perfect Lillie you knew isn't exactly as told." Ash runs a finger over Amanda's thigh. She kicks his leg in his face and he responds by pulling her head back into the wooden floors underneath us and standing on top of her.

"Wrong mistake. But you can pay for it later." He shouts something and stands off Amanda and Lee and another man comes out. But he wasn't Asian. At least I couldn't tell.

"What part of no bruises didn't you understand? And who are these bitches?" The man says.

"They were in her apartment when I got there." Lee explains.

"You should have left the brunette. Brought sweet Lillie. The blond is fine." He licks his lips and stares at Amanda. I would laugh at the death glare she was giving him but my mouth was still duct-taped shut.

"You had your chance with Lillie." Ash says arms crossed. Is this man the one who raped her? Lee walks over to me and Amanda and takes the duct-tape off our faces.

"You know, kidnapping and sexually assaulting a police officer is against the law?" Amanda says.

"Yes. That's the fun in it. The adrenaline and hype of doing something that's wrong but feeling just right, Amanda." The unknown man says.

"You're the bastard that raped Lillie," I say with disgust.

"Yep. Correct Olivia." He says with a smile. "Glad you figured that out finally. And by the way, my name is Jason."

It made no sense why they were telling us their names. Unless they were going to kill us afterwards. If so, let it be.

-Hospital Room-

(Lillie's POV)

Drake made everyone get out after the doctor mentioned a rape kit. I was pretty high off the morphine and pain-killers I wasn't really caring about anything.

"Thanks, Drake that was VERY friendly." I say after he finishes telling everyone to leave.

"Oh shut up, Lillie." Drake pulls his hair back from his face. "You'll thank me later."

"You couldn't get them to come could you?" I say with a sigh.

"I tried. I really did, Lillie." He squeezes my hand. I wasn't that sad about it. My foster parents wouldn't come don't here even if I was dead. "But, one person could come."

"Tell me. No bullshit surprises." I say.

"Nope."

"Drake..."

"Nope."

"Fine."

"Okay, Okay. I lied."

"Screw you." I laugh.

"Sorry you seemed sad about it."

"Like I would cry over them not giving a shit about me." I say smiling. "It's been like that for a year."

"That's not true, Lil." He lets go of my hand.

"I will believe that the day I see them."

- 2 hours later. -

(Nicks POV)

Everyone was in a negative mood. A detective had been raped, 2 had been kidnapped. No Gandhi could make anyone calm right now.

"You can see her again." The same doctor from earlier says. We all stand and walk back into the hospital room.

"Lillie, can you tell us what happened. "Cragen asks her. This was going to be intense. IAB had already been called but couldn't question her till she was out the hospital.

She shakes out a sigh. "I-I-I was folding the paper when I felt a gun on the side of my head and I reach out the grab mines off the table and the he pulled me back by hair and Liv tried to get the gun and he-he hit her on the head and another one came from out my room and did the same to Amanda. I just blacked out. I don't know where they took Liv and Amanda."

Lillie's voice gets shaky and her breathing gets face and machines beep off and doctors and nurses come in. They put a mask over her face and tell everyone to get out the room. What was happening? I really hated living Lillie by herself now.

"What now Captain?" Fin asks.

"We got to find, Liv and Manda. Amaro, Munch stay her call me when she wakes." Cragen says as he walks out with Fin right behind him.

After 30 minutes of me and Munch just sitting waiting for news, the doctor tells us something about Lillie's heart and lungs and breathing and the same thing happened when we found her. I wasn't listening too well. My thoughts were full with worry about her. Munch says he's going to call Cap and I go in the room with Lillie.

"Hey." I say.

"I swear that clipboard sheet about me is as long as my arm." She laughs with a smile. It was good to see her smiling.

"I think you're okay. They're just blowing it out of portion." I slide a chair next to her and sit with our faces at the same level.

"Yeah right. Concussion to Asthma Attack." Lillie puts a piece of hair behind her ear. "Very healthy."

"Can you tell me something?"

"Depends."

"Explain what you told Olivia to me."

"Nick..."

"I really care about you and I am going to have an Asthma Attack myself if you don't tell me..."

"You don't want to know."

"Lillie. Please."

"I was raped. By the same person who raped me today." She sheds a tear down her face.


	6. The Hospital Part 2

-Unknown Location-

(Amanda)

"I estimate we have 3 days till those idiots at SVU figure out where their precious detectives are." Jason says with a clap of his hands. "So until then who's ready for fun?"

"Screw you." I say from my cold seat on the floor. I could tell we were in a basement. There were no windows, it was freezing but the floor was wooden. Like it was finished.

"Okay, I see you are a handful." Jason crouches down between me and Olivia. Olivia doesn't say anything. I was probably overwhelmed with the same amount of fear she was. What were they going to do to us? "What about you, Olivia?" He puts his hand on her face. She still doesn't say anything, just stares at him. "Aww, am I getting the silent treatment?"

"Hands off her you pervert." I shout.

"You know what, Amanda? I've had enough of your rudeness when all I've been is nice. An apology is in order." He squeezes his hand on my face roughly and tilts my head back to where I think my neck might break.

"Ash, get the brunette out of here." He lets go off my face and walks over to the two Asian men.

"And what do you want us to do with her?" Lee asks.

"Whatever comes to mind? Just don't kill her unless necessary of course." Jason smiles. I could tell Liv, was semi-conscious by the way she just let them drag her away. Or they may have drugged her. I don't remember or know what could have happened between those hours of sleep.

"I guess it's just you and me." Jason strokes my face. I swear if looks could kill I would be in a graveyard.

"You're just another pervert." I say.

"I would be a pervert if I raped little girls." He steps away from me to go in a closet. "But I don't do that do I?" Jason pulls out a bottle of alcohol. "Drink?" I remain silent as he pulls the wrapping off and pours a little in a glass before walking near me with the bottle.

"Open wide." He holds the bottle up. I move my face away but he roughly pulls it back and forces my head back on the wooden floor and pours the sour drink in my mouth. My moving and trying not to drink the toxin causes it spill all over my hair and shirt.

"I think. It's time for my apology, Amanda." I kick and scream as he takes the handcuffs of my wrist only to tie me to a bed frame not too far away. He sits on top of me slowing my fighting, and pulls my pants down.

-Hospital-

(Lillie's POV)

This was going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I knew Nick cared about me. He has saved my life countless times since I had started working at SVU and I had saved his a few times as well. But I had gotten 2 detectives kidnapped, and knowing that creep's mind possibly raped. This was something I couldn't live with.

Nick's eyes grow wide. "What?"

I tell him everything. It was hard. Ever since a year ago I did not want to live. And I'm still on the thin line of enjoying life and wanting it to over with as soon as possible. I tell him I was abandoned at the age of 9 and adopted by a man with woman who had 3 kids already but had enough heart to take me and my brother. I tell him about my rape in college. I tell him how my adoptive parents didn't believe I was raped and still doesn't today. I tell him how they thought I had some type of drunken party night and cried wolf. At the end, He just sits there staring at me.

"What? Don't tell me you don't believe me either." I laugh. Laughing was the only thing I could do to not cry.

"No, I believe you. I just...can't believe something like that, would happen to someone like you." He sits on the edge of the hospital bed.

"And that's supposed to mean?" I ask.

"I see you as someone who doesn't give up and always fights. I could have never imagined that." Nick sighs. "I can tell there something you didn't tell me."

"What makes you think that?"

"You're still staring at the ceiling."

I cover my face with my hand. "All the years after the rape he sent me pictures of myself. Doing normal things like shopping or being outside or driving. All the times the pictures were far away. But I once got one where he was right behind my head no more than 2 feet in my apartment. I called the police after that one and they stopped coming."

"Did they ever find him?"

"No DNA in the system and they couldn't find anyone with a grudge against me."

We sit in silence for another 10 minutes.

"We never got to re-try that kiss." He smiles as he moves closer to me. I smile back before Munch comes in the door.

"Capt. says they may have a lead on where Benson and Rollins are." Munch looks at Nick and I a second time before Nick says good-bye to me and walks out.

-Squad Room-

(Nicks POV)

Damn, Munch. Way to ruin a good moment. I think to myself as we walk into the squad room.

"And what's this new lead?" I ask walking over to the white board which has been decorated with pictures of Lillie, Olivia and Amanda. Plus other images.

"Techies tracked Liv and Rollins cell phones all the way to Newark, Jersey then it cuts off. That was at 12:05 AM. But, only Liv's phone cut off Rollins still moved all the way to Princeton. "Cragen points to different spots on the board as he takes us through this.

"So they are somewhere between Newark and Princeton?" Fin concludes.

"Possibly." Cragen adds. "We have reason to believe Lillie knows this man or men who have kidnapped Benson and Rollins. Someone needs to question her brother, Drake. Any takers?"

No hands went up and no one moved.

"Fine, Fin, and Amaro you do it."

Fin and I walk into the interrogation room to find Drake sitting tapping his fingers on a desk.

"Are you here to let me go so I can see my sister?" He asks. Drake wears dark jeans and a denim jacket that he has buttoned up across his body. Who would blame him? Temperatures were dropping fast with winter coming in.

"Not exactly, we have to question you first." Fin says taking a seat in front of him.

"You think I raped my own sister? That's sick." Drake stops tapping.

"No, we don't. We just have reason to believe you or your sister may know who did this to her." I say.

Howdy there


	7. The Questions

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey x 100000000. Anyway, thanks to those who read it! Please Please give me reviews a helps a lot and tells me what you guys want written. Please if your reading tells me what you would like to see next in the review's K?

-Interrogation Room-

(Drakes POV)

"Common sense would tell you Lillie knows him." I sigh. "But I surely don't."

"How would she know him if he only raped her once?" The dark-skinned detective says.

"You don't know much about Lillie do you?"

"Obviously not enough." He continues. "Tell us then."

"I'm 99.7% sure Lillie doesn't want Detective Amaro to know." I spend a large amount of my time with Lillie. I knew more about her than she did herself. We have spent our whole lives together and I didn't want her alone. And with all this time together, she tells me what's on with her head. About Detective Amaro and how he kissed her and tons more. I wasn't in the position to make my sister upset by telling Amaro something she didn't want him to know. We both have a Yin and Yang tattoo on shoulder. We were connected. I loved my sister.

"I'm pretty sure, I already know." Detective Amaro says.

"I don't think you do." I take a deep breathe in.

"This is a police matter. Amaro crosses him arms on his chest.

(Nicks POV)

I knew I knew. But he didn't. I felt bad for Fin; he didn't even know what was going on.

"And?" Drake looks at Fin and I.

"You have to tell us."

Of course, Drake breaks down and tells Fin and I what I already knew. Except one thing, suicide. According to Drake she has tried twice. So I guess there was one thing I didn't know. At the end of Drakes terrible story, Fin just stares in amazement and I knew Capt. was on the other side of the glass with the same look. And another thing, Lillie is considered Mentally Unstable. That she was in a mental institution where she didn't belong for a month. When he adds this, we just walk out to Capt. Standing there.

"Fin, go look up the evidence and case files of the previous rape." He shouts the demand slow but authoritive. "Amaro, go back and question Lillie."

-Unknown Location-

The cold floor beneath me felt wet and dry all at the same time. I opened my eyes to see Olivia tied infront of me. Blind-folded and mouth duct-taped. I close my eyes again at the realize at what happened the previous night.

I hear footsteps move behind my head and close my eyes tight again and hold my breath.

"Detective's Benson and Rollins." The voice says. "Wake Wake." I see the boot stomp in Liv's face and she wakes with rapid breath.

"What do you possibly want with us?" Olivia releases this statement right after Jason takes off her duct tape and blind-fold.

"I thought you had fun last night Olivia? I know Amanda did." Jason turns and smiles at me.

"You're just like the scum I scrape of the streets for a living." Olivia says, staring at him head on.

"That's very nice, Olivia. That you think about me every day."

"You wish."

"And dreams come true."

-Hospital-

(Lillie's POV)

"Nice to see you again, Amaro." I smile at him.

"Hey." He takes one of the metal chairs and sits them in front of me. "I have to question you about the previous rape." He lets out a sigh a split second before I do.

"What college did you attend?"

"Princeton University."

"What day where you raped?"

"January 7, 5 years ago."

"Can you explain the events that happened that day?"

This was just a repeat of what I told him no more. No less. Except it was harder this time. I felt my throat close and tears hit the back of my eyes more than ten times. I wanted to scream and run away from this hospital. I wanted to go away. I didn't care where.

(Nick's POV)

"Excuse me." A different doctor with short blond hair comes in with another metal clipboard. "Is this your husband?"

_I wish_. I say to myself. "No I'm not her husband."

The blonde doctor smiles. "Well, Mrs. Kanji is free to leave today. After she signs these papers."

"Thank god." Lillie laughs. She signs the clipboard." Um, Nick..." I realize, I'm still sitting there as she holding a paper bag full of her clothes.

"Oh. My bad." Lillie laughs at me before she shoves me out the room.

I wish.

-Squad Room-

(Still Nick's POV)

I walk back to the squad room with a smile on my face to see phones ringing, paper everywhere and people busy.

"Captain?" I walk close to the older man. "What's going on?"

"It's been 3 days since Amanda and Liv went missing. We went to the media from the Staten Island all the way to Princeton."

A phone beside us rings and he automatically picks it up. He scribbles on a pad and says thank you before hanging up.

"Amaro, we are short on man power. Think you and Munch can check this source out?" He asks handing me the note-pad.

(OKAY. BEFORE YOU CONTINUE TO READ. Please note. This is a fictional story. The neighborhood and community and families and what-not I am about to mention. Most likely do not exist. I am using my imagination to create this families, neighborhoods, town etc. I am not saying that if these families, neighborhoods, town etc. really are real, and I do not own them. And please PM or say in the reviews if such families, neighborhoods, town etc. do exist I will edit it out. Happy Reading I know Princeton, NJ is real -. - I know Staten Island is real)

Brook ridge Community in Princeton, New Jersey. House 108. I read the note pad.

"Cap. You want us to take an hour drive just to check this one source?" I say.

"The man said he say 2 young men carrying out a blonde and brunette with their hands tied. He clearly described Amanda. Who does that sound like to you?" Captain looks at me.

"Okay. Fine." I hand him a tape recording and note-pad of my interview with Lillie before walking out with Munch.

-Hour Later-

"Come in." Mr. Hanover says.

"I'm Sergeant Munch this is Detective Amaro. We are here to question you about what you saw 3 days ago."

"Yes of course. Have a seat."

His house was decorated a pale blue and white. Mr. Hanover had no hair but a small beard coming in. The gated community we were in had all the houses looking the same. All brick tan. Munich and I sit down.

"Can you tell us what you saw?" Munch asks.

"I was looking out the window when a car pulled up and two men got out."

"Describe the car and men please."

"Red Chevrolet. I think it was a Sonic. I didn't take a too good of a look at the car. One of the men had black hair the other brown."

Munch writes down what he says before telling him to continue.

"They each walked to a side of the passenger seats and pulled out two women. Blonde and Brunette."

"You told us over the phone, you got a good look at the blonde?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"She tried to run. She ran towards my house. She nearly hit the sidewalk before they grabbed her again."

I hold up a picture of Amanda and he nods his head yes.

"How certain are you that she is who you saw?"

"100 percent."

"What happened next?"

"They took the two men in that house." Mr. Hanover points out his window and directly across the street.

"Do you know who lives there?"

"No. Sadly."

"How come you are just now telling the police about it?" I say.

"I didn't think anything of it. It was a Saturday night. Lots of drunken college kids. Then saw it all over the news and radio. I thought I might help."

"You've been very helpful. Thank you."

-Back at the squad room-

(Nicks POV)

"We probably have the best lead in this whole squad room." Munch announces when we get back to squad room.

I walk over to the white board and write everything we just learned. The car, Mr. Hanover, The House. We were 1 step closer to getting Olivia and Amanda back.

"I say we go for it." ADA Rafael Barba says with his authorizes tone. When the hell did he get here? Last time I checked he was on leave for 3 weeks. "According to what Detective Kanji said and what Mr. Hanover says, everything fits together. Although, the defense may question her eligibility it will be a weak defense."

"Good to see you, Barba." Munch doesn't make eye contact with him.

Within another day. Our detectives may be backing home.

I wrote A REALLLL extra-long chapter so you're welcome. Sneak Peek: Lillie and Olivia will fight. Nick and Rafael will have an issue. Amanda and Fin don't do anything yet...but just wait... c:


	8. The Arrest

I just want to say thanks to whoever told me to get a beta. You were the only person to give me feedback on that. YOU ROCK. Everyone else does too for reading. I'm not kidding. If you hate it. LET ME KNOW. Please and Thanks.

-Lillie Kanji's Apartment-

(Nicks POV)

"HOLD ON" I hear a voice scream. I had knocked on her door 3 times. But I guess it would be hard to hear me over the music coming from her apartment. The locks click a when the door open, the music get a bit louder and I see her lovely dark red hair. She smiles at me.

"Come in." Lillie steps aside and I walk inside her apartment. The neat, pristine and elegant apartment looked more wearied down. Over near her couch, a drawing pad layed with something drawn on it. Pencils and colored pencils layed on the black coffee table. The music suddenly shuts off and I see Lillie standing there.

"What type of music was that?" I ask playfully.

"Stars Come Out by Zedd."

"What?"

Lillie laughs as she pulls her dark red tresses up and into a ponytail.

"How are feeling?" I ask.

"I hate hospitals. So better that I'm out one." She invites me sit with her on a tan loveseat.

"Seriously. How do you really feel?" I ask again. I knew she wasn't okay.

Her expression turns serious and she looks away from me.

"Horrible. I feel like Olivia and Amanda being kidnapped is my entire fault." A tear streams out her eye and Lillie quickly wipes it away with her index finger.

"It's not." I assure her.

"Yes it is!" She shouts quickly getting up. "Everything is breaking Nick. Do you not see that?"

I get up and walk in front of her and put my hands on her shoulder.

"It's one big jig saw puzzle and the pieces are everywhere." She cries in my shoulder.

"What are you trying to fix?"

"Everything. He told me what he was going to do to them." She sobs

"What?" I put the most confused tone in my voice.

"H-He said he'll rape them just like he did me. And it was my fault since they were at my apartment. I told him he'll be sent to hell before he rapes another girl."

-Next day-

(Squad Room) (Lillie's POV)

I walk into the squad room. Nick helped. He made me feel like everything was fixed after all. I knew what I was walking into by going to the squad room. Gossip, Lies. Whatever anyone wanted to come up with. But I wanted to be here. Nick told me they had a very strong lead and planned on sending a whole squad to New Jersey to investigate the house. Captain was sure as hell letting me go.

"Good to see you alive, Little China." Fin says watching me walk in. Our ADA, Rafael Barba nods towards me with a wink. Weirdo.

"Me too. Is Captain in?" I ask. He nods his head yes and I knock on the door before walking in.

"Don't even ask." He says.

I smile. "You don't even know what I was going to say."

"You want to come on the arrest, if there is one."

"Captain, please. I know how he thinks. I know his tricks." I plead and barging with him for another 10 minutes before he finally gives in and agrees to let me come along.

"You can come. We leave in 30 minutes for Princeton" He says in the end.

Just because I love you guys I will write part of the arrest in this chapter and the rest in the next.

-Hour Later-

(3RD PERSON)

The police squad cars from Princeton and New York pulls up in front of house 109 in Brook Ridge community. The same red Chevrolet right in front of the house. Detectives Amaro, Tutuoloa and Kanji wear bullet-proof vests and carry pistols with them. Captain Don Cragen is right behind them. Captain Cragen didn't want Lillie Kanji to come. Thought that it would be too much for her. But he gave in.

"NYPD open up!" Nick says holding his pistol in hand .They wait for 20 seconds before he kicks the door down.

White furniture covers the house like a modern scene. Yellow flowers and tan furniture accent the house. But yet, a vile smell attacks the detective's noses. No one said anything.

(Nick's POV)

The house smelled like something undiscovered. We scanned the house no body was on the main floor, or upstairs. Although we did find a little girls room. It was painted pink and purple and the bed sheets were displaced like someone had been there recently.

"Go see if there is a basement." Cragen orders us. Lillie and I walked back downstairs. We see it immediately. A wooden door with a latch on it.

"Don't go in the basement, Coraline..." Lillie says playfully. Trying to lighten up the mood of tension. It somewhat failed.

She walks straight over and undoes the latch quickly with trembling fingers. We both walk down the creaking stairs as the vile smell gets strong and so does my urge to vomit.

The site we see at the bottom of the stairs is horrible. Before we have time to call everyone down here, I hear Lillie scream and turn around to a man holding a knife to her throat another hand on her arm.

"Welcome, Detective Amaro." The voice says

Would you like some waffles with that cliff-hanger!? BOOM


	9. The Survival

**Haidere. Dont mind me. Just checking stuff out.**

**I am thinking that when I finally finish this book ,(No time soon xD More surprises coming up) that maybe I should do a sequel. Depending on how I decide to end this.**

**I used a grammar and spell checker in this chapter. Let me know how it is.**

"Let her go." I say.I point my pistol at him. Right at his head.

"What fun is that?" He says.

"I said let her go."

"I'm sorry I can't do that yet."

"If you want to kill someone please , let it be me. Not him." Lillie says with her eyes staring at the unconscious Detectives Benson and Rollins in front of us.

"Why would I hurt my little star?"

"You're a pervert. I'm not your fucking star." She elbows him in chest before spinning his arm around and breaking it. Or at least dislocated his shoulder because I am certain I heard a pulls out her gun and points it at his head.

"Shoot me." He taunts."You dont have the guts. Your too soft. Too innocent."

"I'll have more balls than you ever will." Lillie finishes as I slap hand-cuffs on his wrists and Captain Cragen and Fin get down the stairs.

On the wooden floor , a mattress soaked in blood and water holds Amanda as she lays there unconscious in tattered clothes. It was horrendous to see strong , brave Amana Rollins victimized on a filthy mattress. Olivia was equally horrible. Her hands were tied behind her back and duct-tape across her mouth along with a blind-fold. No telling if either were dead or alive. Yet , we rushed over to help anyway. But the strange thing was another woman. She had blonde hair like Amanda and was in the same place as Olivia. Directly next to her.

"I got a pulse!" Fin says letting go of Liv's arm. I let go of my gun as Captain reads that bastards his Miranda rights. I walk slowly over to the unknown women and remove her blindfold to find open eyes. She says something I don't was most likely from another country. I was beginning to phone in a translator but then Lillie said something and the unknown woman's face lit up.

"What the hell did you say?" I ask her confused like I normally am around Lillie.

"She speaks Russian. She said , 'Are you here to help me?' I answered yes." Lillie rakes her fingers through her hair before continuing her conversation with the Russian woman.

-Later On. Squad Room.-

(Nick's POV)

Amanda , Liv and the Russian woman whose named turned out to be Kira , we're at Mercy while the rest of us we're ordered to go home. They said they would call us if someone woke up. But that was 4 hours ago.

"Just be glad we got them back. " I say to the nerve rocked squad.

"Amaro , everyone's glad they're back. It's the thought of what happened to them." Captain says.

A small beeping goes over the squad room and Lillie pulls out her cellphone from a desk drawer. She answers the phone as the small squad room remains quiet.

"Excuse me for a moment." Lillie steps out the squad room , leaving us to our own bewildered thoughts.

"Well , anyway like I was saying. We have a problem." Captain continues.

"What's the problem now?" Fin exclaims. My mind was focused on Lillie. I watched her go into the crib and shut the door slowly behind her. I wondered how she was taking the arrest of her rapist.

"Princeton isn't all to willing to left us have this case."

"But it was NYPD detectives." Munch says.

"Exactly , but , the crimes seemed to have happened in Princeton. Not New York."

"Then why don't we just charge kidnapping in New York and whatever else happened on New Jersey's terms."

The phone rang. Captain quickly answered it , said thank you and hung up.

" Amaro , Munch. Head to Mercy. Amanda is awake."

As Munch and I stand to leave , Lillie walks back in.

"You okay?" Fin asks her. She just walks over to her desk and sits singals her to his office before I have any chance to see more.

(Lillies POV)

I'm not a liar. And my personal life was private. No answer was better than a lie and them digging up things I didnt want to talk about.

"Whats going on?" I say closing the door behind me to captain's office.

"If this case is getting to you , I have to pull you off." Cragen says.

"No. Im fine." I assure.

"That's a load of BS."

"It's not." He gives me a stern look. Cragen always appeared like a father figure to all the detectives. And this look was very fatherly alright.

I give in. "Okay okay."

"Whats going on?"

"There are a lot of things going on with me right now so please be specific."

"You seem off lately." He pauses to take a seat in his chair. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know." I stare out the window at a large tree across the street. "I don't seem to know a lot these days. I just feel like its my fault."

"What is?"

"Olivia and Amanda. Being kidnapped."

"You couldn't have prevented it."

"I could have said or done something different."

"That could have made it worse , Lillie."

"You know what he told me? He told me what he would do to them , make them feel special."

"It wasnt your fault."

"How?"

"You didn't know he was in your apartment."

-Mercy Hospital-

(Nicks POV)

"Sergeant Munch and Detective Amaro here to see Amanda Rollins." Munch says flashing his badge to the nurse. The lolipop-scrubs dressed nurse signals over a doctor who leads us through busy hallways.

"Glad your hear. She just woke up."

"What are her injuries?" Munch asks the doctor.

"Broken arm , concussion , bruising to the wrists and ankles. She was starved. In maybe a day or so her body would have started shutting down." The doctor replies looking over the wrap sheet. "We are trying to start her on liquids first and move up to solid foods.

"Thank you." I say moving out the way and stepping into the hospital room


	10. Flash Forward

**Here is like some type of flashforward for you guys. So you can be addicted. c: And BTW I am holding off on writing the next chapter in California because I want to get a beta reader first.**

**OKAY. I know my grammar and spelling sucks a fat one but please. Keep reading. I have a beta now. This is like the last thing you will see with incorrectness. PROMISE**

**-FLASHFORWARD-**

"Im sorry , ma'am. He's dead." The doctor says to me. Round green eyes sad to tell another person such horrible news.

One time , when I was 14 or so , I was dared to climb a tree. Now , my adult instints would have told me no way in hell but I didnt care. I climbed the 15 ft truck of wood. When I was so close to the top , a branch under my foot broke and I crashed on the ground. Hard. It felt like all the air was knocked out my lungs and and they closed up.

Thats how I felt now. I heard a round of _Im Sorry's _and_ Are you okay?_ But that didnt matter now. He was gone.

Nicks POV

I stared at Lillie. I knew she wouldnt have wanted anyone to say anything about she didnt want to be alone. A tear dropped out her eye as she stared through the plexi-glass of the hospital room door. Fin , Munch , Amanda , Cragen , Barba , Huang and I stood around her. Nobody left her side. After 5 minutes of her standing their staring at her own brothers body , Lillie dropped to her knees and started screaming her head off. Hands on the back of her neck an elbows touching her ear and her head in her lap. She stopped screaming in about 1 minute and ran off out the hospital. Once again no one moved.

We all sat in the waiting room for 10 minutes to give her some space.

Amands tood up an started walking towards the door.

"What are you doing?" Fin asked.

"Making sure she hasnt tried to kill herself again." Amanda replies.

Amanda's POV

I walked outside into the cool garden area of the hospital to see Lillie sitting in the snow looking at something I couldnt see.

"Hey." I say taking a seat next to her in the snow.

"Go ahead. Ask me stupid questions like am I okay." Lillie doesnt make eye contact with me.

"I would never ask you that."

"I just lost...a whole half of my life. And your not going to ask me that?"

"No. Because I know the answer."

"Remind me to hang out with you more."

"With pleasure." I let out a sigh and watch my own breathe in the cold Early Decemeber air. "There's something I've always wondered about."

"What?" Lillie looks at me this time. I see the same dark green eyes that screamed please as an attempt to save Olivia and I.

"Where is your family?"

"I was responible for my biological mother's death. My father hated me and my brother for it and..." She trails off.

"Lillie , please don't say your father raped you. I wouldnt be able to handle it." I laugh a bit.

"Oh no. I was surprised by his reaction myself. He just got really drunk thats all. Nothing special. Didnt hit us. Certainly didnt rape me. One day he drove us somewhere I cant remeber where , and just dropped us off. Told us he would be back. I havent seen him since."

"Im so sorry. Im not excatly close with my family either."

"I was adotped by a man and women who already had 3 children. When I raped in college they didnt believe me. Said I had a drunken night and was lieing."

"Do they talk to you now?"

"Nope. The last words I spoke them werent very pretty." Lillie laughs. "My brother was all I had." More tears slip out her eyes and the strong Lillie that fought hardened criminals was gone.

"It will get better I promise." I say hugging her close.


	11. The Recovery

**Guess what I got? Microsoft Word! So now, I can see when I make a grammatical or spelling error!**

**Enjoy this chapter!**

-Hospital Room—

"Hey, Amanda." I say moving closer to her in the hospital room.

"Hi guys. Who filled my head with rocks?" Amanda leans up on the white hospital pillows and looks to Munch and I for an answer.

"Is that the only thing wrong?" I now sit on the edge of the hospital bed. Trying to give her enough space

"Stop looking at me like that. I am still Amanda." She says staring at me dead on.

"I know that."

Just then, the hospital door opens and a certain pair of red-head's step through. Wow, none other than Casey Novak and Lillie Kanji. To compare Lillie's and Casey's hair would be to say Lillie's was much darker. Like blood red or crimson.

"Howdy, Amanda." Lillie says mimicking Amanda's Southern drawl with a deep suck of air in her lungs. Her sneakers make no sound to floor while Casey's black heel's made a loud clap sound.

"Howdy." She replies.

"How did you find the Casey Novak?" Munch jokes.

"Ran into her at the precinct." Lillie responds.

"What good luck you have." He says.

"Good luck indeed." Casey states.

"Um, not to kill the good mood, but I would like to speak with Amanda." Lillie sighs.

"Lord, help me." Amanda says.

"Don't worry, I won't kill you. Yet."

Casey, Munch and I exit the room and leave Amanda and Lillie to themselves.

(Lillie's POV)

I blame my phone for my lateness. If it hadn't rung, I would've gotten here sooner and this soon to be awkward conversation would have been over. But, my iPhone now sits tucked away in the back pocket turned off completely and even so, silenced. No interruptions. This was serious.

"Amanda. Don't flick me off okay this is highly serious." I say with confidence.

She just raises her eyebrows at me but then, looks away with her hand over her mouth.

"What?" Amanda asks me.

"I know, okay? You can't tell me it didn't happen because I have enough brain cells left that tell me it did."

"What are you talking about?"

"The mattress, the water. I know."

"I suppose you would."

"How?" I was the one bewildered now.

"They showed us pictures of you. They told me and Liv."

I rake my hands through my hair.

"What do you know?" I ask.

"More than I wanted too."

"Specifics?"

"You're crazy."

"No big surprise there."

"Why did you admit yourself to a mental institution?"

"Barely anyone believed me. I thought it didn't happen myself. I am not normal. OCD, PTSD, Depression, Mentally Unstable, the list just goes on and on. But that is not the topic right now. Amanda."

"Then what is?"

"I wanted to let you know you can talk to me. You or Liv will not be alone. After all it is my fault."

"Lillie, this was not your fault. "

"How?"

"You didn't tell him to kidnap us. You didn't make him nor did you now they were there."

I pause not saying anything. Amanda doesn't either. We just stay there.

"Did you mean it?" She asks me standing in front of me.

"What?"

"You'll be able to help?"

"Yes." I think this is the closest I have ever gotten with Amanda. Sure we've worked together for months now but there has always been a gap between us. I ask her to tell me what happened when she was with him. I am shocked. It was much more horrible than what I had been through. The bastard had used water torture on her. Turned the hose on till she vomited. Amanda didn't have to tell me that he raped her Olivia. Sadly, that was something I already knew.

-Waiting Room-

(Nick's POV)

Lillie exited Amanda's hospital room and walked to the front desk to ask the nurse something. She didn't acknowledge any of us. Some type of confidence pushed me out my seat and followed her. The guys were busy discussing some unimportant topic I wasn't interested in and didn't notice my movement. I followed Lillie's blood red mane around corners and hallways till we reached what looked like a break room. She silently opened the door and checked to see if anyone was in there before walking in. I followed even further and was about to ask her if she was alright before she stopped. Lillie sat on the white lunch room floor and bent over on her knees just a little before her elbows touched her knees and she put her hands together in a praying position.

You should leave, Amaro. My body didn't react in time as she was done with what I guessed was her prayer.

I could I make a vow that what she said was a curse in Japanese.

"And how long have you been spying?" Lillie says one hand on her head another hanging on its side.

"A while." I answer. "What were you doing?"

"What did it look like?"

"Praying."

"So why ask me what I was doing?"

"I wasn't sure."

"Well, Amaro. You were correct."

"To whom were you praying?"

"Allah."

Confused, again. "What religion are you?"

"Islam. Muslim"

"No way." I laugh.

Lillie rolls her eyes. "Shut up."

"Wait till I tell the squad about this." I begin to walk towards the door, but stop.

"Where is your head thing?" I pause.

"Hijab? To dumb it down , the scarf?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah that."

"I am not a traditional as my family about it , plus it's an option."

"Good to know.."


	12. Her Interrogation

-Break Room-

"Nick?" I hear Lillie say before he walks out the room.

"Yeah?" I reply hand touching the door knob.

"Please don't tell anyone I am a Muslim."

"Lillie, everyone loves you. Why don't you want anyone to know?"

"I have seen people beaten, raped, kidnapped, molested and tortured because of them believing in something. I find it safer if no one knows."

"True. I won't tell." I walk back over to her. We stand in silence and I use this time to take her in. Her long red hair was pulled into a low bun that suited her face very well. She wore a crème colored shirt with the buttons open so you could easy see her black tank underneath. Black jeans and a pair of tan Chuck Taylors was what she wore from the waist down. Wow, I have never seen a Detective wearing a pair of sneakers, never the less a pair of Chucks.

"You know," Lillie begins walking closer and closing that miserable gap in between us. I can smell her perfume which I can only describe as a small scent of olive. "You don't have to stare at me."

"What if I like to?"

"Too bad." She smiles flirtiously. God, I know she was doing this on purpose.

We were now standing next to the door with her back to the wall. I moved even closer to her.

"Then you're out of luck."

This was getting heated. I wouldn't lie and say I wasn't attracted to her, because I was. Dangerously. I was attracted to her because of her personality. Her looks just happened to fall into place. Before I can make a move, she does. I feel her lips crash onto mines.

Lillie.

Pure lust. That's what I was going on. Pure lust. For Nick of course. I didn't know what I was doing exactly. It was like I had some sudden movement to kiss Nick Amaro. Yep.

He pushed me back a little against the wall and wrapped his arm around my waist. The kiss deepened and his tongue slipped into my mouth. We stayed like that for a while until the need for air took us both. We broke apart, breathing heavily.

"Not bad, Amaro." I say.

"Why, thank you." Nick says playfully. I roll my eyes at his arrogance and walk out with Nick back into the waiting room.

The silent walk gave me little time to think about what just happened. I just had a make-out session with a co-worker. Nice job, Lillie. I think to myself sarcastically. My daydreaming or should I say walk-dreaming has to stop because we get back to the area where the rest of the squad waits.

"What were you two doing?" Fin says raising an eyebrow.

"Plotting the next 9/11 attack." Nick says looking to me. I shoot him a glare and he raises his hands in defense.

"Mhm, sure your right." Fin drops the issue.

"Okay, Amaro, Kanji head back to the 1-6 and question Jason Santriz." Cragen directs to Nick and I.

As Nick and I prepare to walk out, Captain stops me.

"You sure you can handle this?" He asks me silently.

"I make no promises." Even though he may have taken this as a joke, I was serious. I cannot and never will be able to predict my actions. He gives me a warning look and Nick and I walk out.

"No way are you riding that back to the precinct. Right?" Nick says to me as I get ready to get on my motorcycle. It was a Kawasaki Ninja ZX 250 R. 2010 to be exact. I had saved for a long period of time in order to buy. Mainly because I hate riding in cars. No specific reason why, I just do.

"I am not riding in that claustrophobic death trap back to the precinct and expect to still be living." I reply. This throws him off guard, but I think he gives up because he climbs in the car and allows me to mount my motorcycle.

I start the vehicle and begin to drive; knowing Nick was right behind me.

-30 MINUTES LATER-

Nick.

Somehow, I ended up getting to the squad room 20 minutes after Lillie had already arrived. Maybe I should get a motorcycle.

I exited the elevated to hear 2 people yelling. Very loudly.

"What the hell are you talking to him for?" I heard a female voice say.

"Lille, he wants to see us! Why won't you accept that he's sorry?" A male voice counters. Then, I realized, its Lillie and her brother arguing.

"You expect me to automatically want him back in my life? Are fucking kidding me!" Lillie shouts. As I round the corner I see the squad room empty except Lillie and Drake. Drake stood there staring at his twin. He wore light jeans and a red Aeropastle hoodie covered his chest so I couldn't see anything else.

He walked towards her and she pushed him back causing him to stumble a bit. Drake regained his feet and went back towards her. I was about to step in, fearing he was going to physically strike her, but instead he calmed down and said something in Japanese and walked away , shooting past me. Lillie put her hand over her face. No tears came out her eyes.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Just peachy." She responds. "We have a pervert to question." Lillie appears to want to drop the subject so I let her. I have no clue what they were arguing about, but it concerned me.

But instead, I follow the sounds of her Chuck Taylors on the floor into the interrogation room.

We open the door to find a man with long black hair that stopped a little under his shoulder and evil looking green eyes.

"I knew they would send you in, Lillie." The man starts. "Or should I call you, Keiko-Saki?"

I send her a questioning look and notice her fist have clenched on the hem of her tank.

"My name is Lillie. You may never call me Keiko-Saki." She replies.

'Why? Because your father gave you that name? What did he do to you?" He continues. "Did he call you sweet? Invite you to his bedroom? Ask you if you wanted to play—"He is cut off by Lillie pulling his chair from underneath him.

"My father never touched me!" She screams in his ear. I pull her elbow back in an attempt to calm her down.

"The way your acting sweetheart, sounds like he did." The man doesn't give up. I could see he was trying to break her.

"You would love that would you?" Lillie says sitting in front of him, next to me.

"You've already been broken Lillie. Give up. I know everything about you. And about those cute little friends of yours. What were their names? Amanda and Olivia I believe."

"You rape women because you can't satisfy yourself."

"I can satisfy myself very well, Keiko. Thank you for asking."

I watch Lillie boil at the sound of him calling her that.

"I recommend you stop that, sir." I begin. "My partner has mental problems and I can't help you if she suddenly decides to smash your head against a wall."

The door suddenly swings open and what appears to be this asshole's lawyer steps through, Cragen right behind her.

"You're done, detectives." Cragen says. Lillie stands up and before she can walk back to her desk, Cragen says for her to wait in his office.

Lillie.

For the love of God, what did I do know? I stepped into Cragen's office with him right behind.

"What did I do?" I ask.

"I want to recommend you to someone." He says moving through drawers and files.

"No. Hell no. I am not putting myself back in a mental institution."

"I know. He's a psychiatrist." He pulls out a card and hands it to me. "Dr. George Huang. He just got back in NY after moving to Oklahoma."

"And why do you want me to go see him?"

"I have seen him work miracles with people and I want you do be one of them."

I fold my arms across my chest. "What if I don't?"

"You'll be looking for a new job."

-TWO WEEKS LATER-

Amanda and Olivia made a full recovery. But the only person who seemed to blame me for it was none other than Olivia. All 3 of us had to testify against, Jason, Lee and Ash. Guilty on all charges. Well that's one good thing. But, today was a difficult day. Mainly because today, I would have to have an appointment with . I did not want to go under any circumstances. But, my job was on the line so I drove to his office and parked directly in front.

**Reviews mean the world to me so do follows and favorites. So, please do that. I won't be able to write for a few days so you might see another chapter in a week or less. Thanks for reading and a HUGE shout out to Lilbrit4u because every time I look at my stories, she has always favorite, followed or reviewed so YOU ROCK.**


	13. Her Interrogation Part 2

**I decided that since I wasn't going to be able to write for a while might as well right this so you have something to read.**

_-TWO WEEKS LATER-_

_Amanda and Olivia made a full recovery. But the only person who seemed to blame me for it was none other than Olivia. All 3 of us had to testify against, Jason, Lee and Ash. Guilty on all charges. Well that's one good thing. But, today was a difficult day. Mainly because today, I would have to have an appointment with. I did not want to go under any circumstances. But, my job was on the line so I drove to his office and parked directly in front._

One step at a time. Yes, I was frightened. What if this George Huang said I have to be institutionalized again? The last two weeks have been, interesting. No shocker to say things between Nick and I had become more elevated. It wasn't official. But, the only person who knew was Amanda, and she promised to keep it confidential. How she found out was an interesting moment.

_Flashback 5 days ago_

_Amanda stood in front of me. Not pleased with my answer. Her scars and bruises were healing thankfully._

"_Lillie, stop lying me." She says._

"_What am I lying about?" I ask._

"_You're seeing Amaro."_

"_For the 10__th__ time, I am not."_

"_I am not an idiot."_

"_Neither am I. I would know the dangers of lying to you."_

"_Then why are you?" She questioned me like this for another 10 minutes before I broke down and told her I was. I explained to her it was just a casual thing._

"_Have you slept with him yet?" Amanda questions._

_I put on a 'Really?" look. "No."_

"_Just asking."_

I reach his office and my dream has to stop. I knock on the door to find that with-in seconds, an obviously Asian man, most likely Chinese, opens the door. He wore a tan brown button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up surprisingly. The thing I admired most off-hand about him was his hair. It was faded on the sides but more hair up top. Lillie, focus.

"How may I help you?" says.

"My name is Lillie Kanji." I dig threw a backpack I just happened to have on me today and pull out a sheet of paper. "Captain Cragen at SVU recommended I come see you. I believe he told you about me."

"Oh, yes. I remember. Come in." He steps aside from the door and I walk right in. I couldn't tell if this was his house or office because it looked highly neat. Couches stood in the corner while a desk with a computer and two chairs in front of it held the back room.

"Cragen told me you should be here sometime soon." The man starts. "Are you a rape victim?"

"Not an ordinary one." I respond.

"How so?" I noticed, this man's demeanor was very calm.

"I am a SVU detective. And a rape victim."

"Oh, my bad. Please take a seat." George points to one of the chair in front of his desk. I take a seat willingly.

"Why does Cragen want you here?" He folds his hands over the desk.

"I am not sure about that myself." I say raking my hands through my hair.

"Let's find out why."

-Precinct 2 hours later-

"I think we should set a honey trap for this bastard." Liv says staring at the white board. A serial rapist had struck up and has been around for 3 weeks now. He would force the victim to give him oral, rape them then slit their throats. His 'type' was women with red or black hair all in their 30's. The MO of this creep matched 4 victims, and he just struck again last night.

"As much as we want too, we have anyone meeting the MO." Cragen explains.

"Yes you do." A voice says from behind up. Everyone darts their eyes behind them to find Lillie standing their holding a grey and green bag.

"Welcome back Detective Kanji." He says.

"Arigato." She says dropping the bag next to her desk and walking over to us. Lillie took a leave of absents after the trial.

"Do you want to go in?" Cragen asks her.

"Yes. We all know 2 of his victims have been Asian, and 3 red-heads. I am like a dream come true." She laughs.

I watch Olivia stare her down. We all knew that deep inside Olivia somewhat blamed Lillie for this ordeal.

"All right, I'll contact 1pp and see how fast we can get you out there." Cragen walks off into his office.

"Olivia?" Lillie says raking her hands through her hair. Lately, I've been able to read Lillie. She always rakes her hand through her hair when she is stressed out about to do something stressful. Liv looks up at her raising an eyebrow. Lillie says something no one would have ever guessed her to say. "This is not a command or a beg, but with all seriousness, please, stop shooting me glares, avoiding me and most of all, blaming me. It is really fucking annoying. I understand you feel some type way about it and blame me and are pissed towards me but stop it."

Olivia just stands up from the chair in front of the white board and walks back towards the bathroom.

"Lillie that was out of line." Amanda convers.

"Good." Lillie walks over to the table and takes a look at the board. "When did we get a 4th victim?"

"Last night, Karissa Ryan. " Fin finally speaks. I watch Amanda give Lillie a sad look. "In Seneca."

"Seems to me, all of these are in the Seneca and Ontario area." She adds.

Wow, we really missed that. No one had bothered to notice how the rapes occurred in the same area. Cragen walks out his office and into the area we occupied.

"Rollins, Kanji, head to Mercy. Another rape victim." Cragen says.

Amanda and Lillie grab their coats and head out.

-Outside the squad room-

Amanda.

"No motorcycle today, huh?" I taunt Lillie.

"Shut up." She replies stepping out the 1-6 hauling grey and green bag.

"What's with the extra baggage?" I ask. She shoots me a confused look and then I point to her backpack.

"You'll see." Lillie replies stepping in the sedan.

"You know, she doesn't blame you." I say as we buckle our seat belts.

"Amanda, you know she came to my apartment and told me to my face it was my fault?" I am surprised by her response.

"That's not like Liv."

"Well, obviously she's changed." Lillie opens a smaller compartment in her backpack and pulls out her phone. It's an iPhone 4s with a black case that had a cartoon like person on the back.

"You've changed too." I respond.

"And so have you. You and I have accepted it, Olivia isn't." Lillie counters.

"It's harder for her, Lillie."

Her voice rises. "How? How on Earth is it harder? I am not saying she has it easy but how is it harder?"

"And how is it hard for you?"

Lillie pulls up her leather jacket's sleeves and then I see it. What looks like hundreds of cuts and bruises but was probably no more than 20. Suddenly I am regretting my question.

"Every single day, I have to take 3 pills. 1 for depression, 1 for insomnia and 1 for Bi-Polar disorder. And they never work. Never. I would have never had to do those things if I wouldn't have gone back for those stupid text books."

"Why do you do that?" I say towards her wrists and arms. I start the car, realizing we have been sitting her for 10 minutes and start to drive.

"I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't tell what was happening, who was there. I couldn't feel anything." I just continue driving, fearing if I looked at the hurt in her eyes, I would break right there. Sure, the kidnap and rape had taken a toll on me but I was better now with the help of the squad and more importantly, Lillie. She kept her promise and helped me through it. I knew she offered the same to Liv but Olivia is too humble and independent to accept such an offer.

I hear music playing and realize it's Lillie's ringtone. Her hands had already held the phone as she was occupying herself with it.

Lillie.

"Kanji." I answered my phone.

"_Nice to hear your voice , detective." _

"Who is this?"

"_Your voice sounded much sweeter in the video's Keiko." _ The man continues.

"How did you get this number?"

"_I know Amanda or Olivia is with you. I would love to hear their voices scream for help again. Or maybe that young Russians."_

"For the second time, who is this?" I hold my forehead. I hear Amanda tell me to put him on speaker and so I do.

"_Go ahead, scream again like you screamed for Jason. He got you perfect on camera. Go ahead scream Keiko."_

"My name is not Keiko!" I yell. Too frustrated. Then I realize it, I screamed just like this sick pervert wanted me to. Shit.

"_There you go. I knew you would. All the pictures and video's of you proved it. Having all these pictures of Olivia, Amanda and you were wonderful" _Then the other line hangs up and the game ends.

**I plan on writing maybe 1 or 2 more chapters till this book ends. Don't start crying, there will be a sequel, Promise.**


	14. The Psychology

All things spoken in another language will be written in _**BOLD AND ITALICS **_

**For whoever reviewed and said that if I had to review my own story twice it isn't that good I would like to explain, I was PM'ed once when would I be updating, I made the fatal mistake and reviewed on my story, Basically every day when I meant to PM that person back. Also, we I said Awesome that was to go to the guest who reviewed:** _Love the story. You might want to try editing it before posting or getting a beta reader. Other than that the story is absolutely brilliant I'm already addicted. Keep on writing :) _**So there's some clarification. Also, I don't know why you called it Mary Sue and I'm not going to lie, I had to google the term, but obviously, Lillie is pretty screwed. Thank you for reviewing!**

"What the hell was that about?" I ask Lillie pulling up to Mercy Hospital. "What does he mean pictures and videos?" I was frightened by Lillie's phone conversation. Did those sick prick's take our pictures and sell them over some type of pervert-world? Just the thought made me sick.

"I don't know. Nor do I want to deal with it." Lillie sighs and steps out the car walking into the hospital. I follow her tan jacket and black sneakers into the hospital.

"Detectives Rollins and Kanji here to question Sun Zhang." I say to the nurse in front of us flashing our badges. The nurse was obviously a female transvestite.Some sick group of men had been most likely sold, pictures and videos of me. This is was the most sickening thought to ever cross my mind but I don't think it would be the last.

"Right this way." The nurse steps from behind the counter and walks with us down to the room. I pace myself in front of them while Lillie lags behind with the nurse. "Right in there." She points to a hospital room with a girl with short black hair with her head in her knees. I hear the nurse tell Lillie to call her and laugh at the expression on Lillie's face before walking in the hospital room.

"Sun?" Lillie says to her.

Lillie.

I watch Sun scream and pick up a glass tube beside her and throw it in my direction. I step one foot to the right just in time and the glass lands where I was standing before.

"_**Get away from me!" **_ Sun screams.

"_**We are not going to hurt you."**_ I say walking close to her.

"_**Are you from China?"**_ She asks me. Finally looking at me.

"_**No. I am from Japan. But I can speak Chinese."**_ I get a look at her face. She can't be any more than 10. I have been on this job for a while and I understood anyone could get raped or abused, but the youngest I've seen is 15. Her hair was hung over her face and her eye looked weak and tired.

"English version?" Rollins says standing behind me.

"_**It's good to have someone understand me."**_ Sun says standing up an walking over to me.

"_**Me too." **_I wipe the hair from out her hair and she smiles at me.

Amanda and I decide not to question Sun, but try and contact her family. Sun told us she lived with her father and 3 siblings. I had personally decided not to ask about her immigration status yet.

"That nurse thought you were cute." Amanda taunts me as we walk out the hospital towards the car. Sun had too many injuries to be released. The bastard cut the word _Devil_ in her back with a knife.

"I'll be sure to give her your number." I laugh stepping in the car. I couldn't think in the car. My thoughts were occupied with the phone call. I would have thrown my phone out the window right then and there but I couldn't. My evil cell phone was evidence. Hopefully, they could trace the call and this whole nightmare world I have been living in for the past weeks would be gone.

I didn't even notice I got up and walked back into precinct.

Donald Cragen.

"What are you telling me doc?" I ask the Asian man in front of me.

"Lillie isn't psychologically damaged but she is not perfect either." He responds with his normal calm demeanor.

"What do suggest I do?"

"I believe it would help if she settled whatever issues she has with her family. That's the basis right now."

"What happens if the issues aren't solved?"

"No promises. From what I could tell she just needs some type of closure."

"For what?"

"Everything."

Amanda.

"Tell me you got something good." Munch looks at the two of us with open eyes.

"Address of her family. That's it." Lillie says.

"Well it's something." Captain says emerging from his office. "Someone head out and check that address. Lillie, my office."

"What did I do this time?" She stands back up and walks into Cragen office.

Everyone's eyes fall on me. "What?" I say looking to Nick, Fin, Munch and Olivia.

"You guys sat outside in that car for 10 minutes, what happened?" Nick sighs.

"Nothing important."

Lillie.

"Take a seat." He says beckoning to a chair in front of him.

"This is like the 4th time I've been in here. What did I do?" I ask taking a seat.

"How close are you to your family?"

"Where is this coming from?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Answer the question."

"Not close."

" thinks it would help if you saw your family." Cragen sighs and looks at me head on.

" doesn't know much."

"This is serious."

"I know."

"Then take it that way. I'm putting you on unpaid leave for 2 weeks. Go see your family."

"But—"

"That's an order."

"You want me, to go halfway across the world to see and up and my family? Really?"

"Yes. "

With this, I get up and walk out his office. There are bright sides to this, I do wonder what Japan looks like now but my mind was still balancing whether I should just up and go.

Pro: Things might actually work out. Con: I could screw things up even more.

Some type of confidence I didn't understand, pushed me to grab my coat back of the back of the chair and walk straight out with eyes burning holes in the back of neck. This movement also caused me to hail a cab and sit in the back thinking how exactly could I do this? I didn't have their phone number. Do I just up and go? Uninvited guest. I felt like a 10 year-old pondering over this. I was an adult. I did not have to go and no one could force me. I didn't care if my job was on the line. But even if I did go, where exactly where they. I had no address. But I know someone who did. Pulling my phone back out my pocket, glad I didn't throw it out the window; I dial my brother's number.

**This is the last chapter. I just love ending things like this. Sequel should be up soon. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing or doing whatever you did. I enjoyed writing this book so much. The sequel will be called Character. **


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